glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
did i walk over a car last night?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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