It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
