Plan B is the new Plan A
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
