I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
