Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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