Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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