Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
