Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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