my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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