You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
