I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
