Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize