hotel room ftw
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
