Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize