I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
