Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
