I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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