Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
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i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
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I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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