i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
