worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
