dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
