You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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