College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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