So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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