We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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