Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
