i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
