Duck Duck Cougar?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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