someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
