I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
