don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
