I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
