you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
