i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
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We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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