You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
