If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
