Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
