he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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