is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
