I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
