My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
