I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
