she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
