i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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