Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
