I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
