So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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