I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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