On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
