I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
