I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
