I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
