literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
