umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
