Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
