I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
