I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
