people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
