yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
