You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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