I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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