this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
