He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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