We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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