I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
