He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
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MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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