at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
