woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
this is an emotional support booty call
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
