Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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