So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
