Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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