Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
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he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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