You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
