the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Houston, we have a squirter
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
