I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
