the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
