I have demons in me.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
