my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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