I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
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So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
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Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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