i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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