You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
