apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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