i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Mom said you looked used
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
