Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize