i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
